What’s more valuable: Bitcoin or teeth

Plus: Fed’s inflation headache gets messier

GM. Today’s news is smoother than a banana in oil. No market slip-ups here – just facts, peeled and slightly roasted.

🥊 Bitcoin vs. Teeth.

🍋 News drops: Pi Network’s new fund, the MicroStrategy of Brazil + more

🍍 Market flavor today

The crypto market’s giving us a whole lotta nothing today – prices are kind of awkwardly going sideways.

That might have something to do with what Fed Chair Jerome Powell said yesterday, which is that we might have to get used to higher interest rates for a while.

Why? Supply shocks.

That’s basically when something suddenly messes with the availability of goods (like tariffs 👀) and causes the prices to increase even if demand stays the same.

This kinda stuff makes inflation more unpredictable, and puts the Fed in a sticky situation, where it has to decide:

👉 Do we raise rates and risk slowing the economy even more?

or

👉 Do we just live with higher inflation for a while?

That’s why Powell isn’t in a hurry to cut rates.

And it’s a bit of a bummer for crypto, because the market luuuvz rate cuts.

Money becomes cheaper = investors become more willing to put their money into riskier assets. Visual representation of how they be lookin’ btw:

On top of that, we also got two big pieces of data that show how this economic balancing act is playing out: producer prices and retail spending.

The Producer Price Index (basically what businesses pay for goods) rose 2.4% over the past year – slightly cooler than expected, and down from 2.7% in March.

So that’s one sign that inflation may be softening – at least on the supply side.

But zoom out a bit, and the good vibes fade:

Retail sales – aka how much people are spending – rose just 0.1% in April, compared to 1.7% in March. Big slowdown.

This could be because people were panic-buying before tariffs kicked in, and that short-term boost is now fading. But it also suggests that consumers are getting cautious.

So, between businesses facing fewer cost pressures and shoppers pulling back, there’s a growing sense that inflation might cool – but at the cost of slower demand.

And that puts even more pressure on the Fed to figure out where to go next without tipping the whole thing over.

No pressure, Jerome 👀

🥝 Memecoin harvest

Ay, some hit the gym, others hit the orbit. Here’s what’s moonwalking rn: 🌕✨

Data as of 04:45 AM EST.

Check out these memecoins and plenty more here.

If you spend a lot of time in crypto circles, it’s easy to end up in a bubble.

We see headlines about countries and states building strategic crypto reserves, institutions going degen – and to us, it feels like ✨ everything’s changing ✨

But step outside that bubble for a second… and most people are still clueless.

Exhibit A: Financial Times. One of the most respected financial newspapers out there.

They’ve got a docuseries called FT Film, where they cover topics like finance, politics, tech – all kinds of serious stuff.

And they recently dropped a video about Michael Saylor – the co-founder of Strategy (formerly MicroStrategy, aka the biggest corporate holder of Bitcoin), the guy who never sells, the man, the myth, the legend, if you will.

In it, Katie Martin, a market columnist at Financial Times, explores the Bitcoin strategy of Strategy (which we won’t unpack here – you can watch it yourself), and then drops this line:

“Bitcoin maxis like Jeff Walton and Michael Saylor believe in the value embedded in Bitcoin because of its scarcity. I still don’t get this. My teeth are pretty scarce and pretty useful, but they’re not worth billions of bucks.”

And yeah… the internet had a field day with that one:

Now obviously, that was meant to be a joke. But the fact that this is coming from, I repeat, a MARKET columnist really makes you think.

Because it shows that a LOT of people – even people who understand traditional finance – still don’t really understand Bitcoin (or crypto in general).

Sure, your teeth are scarce. You only get 32 of them, hopefully. Unless you’re a shark? But then this gets even more complicated, because how are you reading this? Do sharks care about global finance?? 🤨

Uhh, anyways. Yes, teeth are scarce. So is Bitcoin.

The difference? Bitcoin’s scarcity is measurable, enforced, and universally recognized. There’s a hard cap: 21 million.

Meanwhile, the limit of teeth isn’t enforced, no one’s keeping count globally, and their value isn’t transferable or standardized. They’re useful, just not in an economic system.

Plus, scarcity alone doesn’t make something valuable. There has to be demand, too.

Bitcoin has demand because people see it as a store of value, an investment, or a hedge against inflation.

In contrast, no one gives a damn about your teeth except you. They just don’t have that kind of global market demand.

And Katie didn’t stop there. She also said, and I quote:

“Bitcoin is not for the faint-hearted. With no obvious use case, it’s an inherently speculative bet.”

The first part? Fair, because Bitcoin is volatile.

But claiming that Bitcoin has “no obvious use case”… c’mon.

How ’bout:

• Store of value: the most cited use case. Bitcoin’s used to hedge against inflation and currency debasement;

• Censorship resistance: no government or company can freeze, reverse, or block Bitcoin transactions;

• Cross-border payments: Bitcoin lets people move value globally without banks, middlemen, or high fees.

So, no, it won’t help you chew food like your scarce teeth. And maybe Bitcoin’s use case isn’t relevant to you personally.

But calling it useless is just wrong.

So what’s the takeaway here?

Even smart, respected voices in finance still don’t understand Bitcoin. And that shows crypto still lives in a bubble.

Yes, that bubble that now includes institutions, entire countries – and most importantly, you 🥰 (look at us bonding right now btw). But it’s still a bubble.

From the outside, a lot of what seems obvious to us – scarcity, utility, long-term value – can sound like nonsense if you’re not tuned in.

And honestly? That’s okay. Because it means that if you’re reading this, it’s not too late.

Maybe you didn’t buy BTC at $1. But you’re here earlier than a Financial Times market columnist.

And that’s something.

🍋 News drops

💰 Pi Network launched a $100M fund to support projects building on its platform. They wanna help apps and companies that use Pi or bring more activity to the network.

🤫 Hackers bribed some overseas Coinbase support contractors to leak limited customer data, then demanded $20M to keep it quiet. Instead of paying, Coinbase offered a $20M reward to anyone who could help identify and convict the attackers.

🇧🇷 Méliuz became the first publicly traded company in Brazil to make Bitcoin a key part of its financial plan. The Michael Saylor virus is going international…

🍌 Juicy memes